Why?

Aren't breakups hard enough? In the age of social media, is it really necessary to humiliate someone on a public forum. Conversations need not be displayed on a Facebook wall at the cost of someone's feelings. It's insensitive and immature.

Moving on is a topic that I haven't really written about. Dating is one thing, dating after a break up is tricky though.

You get your "relationship guy" ... you know him, the guy that wants commitment after one dinner. Um, no.

You're uneducated guy, the one who high fives and says "Yah" a lot.

And a billion other stereotypes. None of them fill the hole, but each is a step toward the future.



I love dating. I think dating is important. With each man, you discover what you like, don't like and everything in between. But dating in a commuter city is much harder than it was in the east coast. Cars are always involved and, well, let's face it... the bible belt is much more conservative.

Dating in bible country is a whole different ball game...

So, here we go. Let the games begin. I'm ready.

**Photo courtesy of Harmon Weddings

Don't trust the arrogant man

There are men that pretend to care, and they are the trickiest in the bunch. But even worse, are those that just don't care.

I've always had a weak spot for the confident man, the problem with confidence is that the line is fine between arrogance and confidence.



If you see arrogant man -- RUN. It's the best advice I could ever give. I've told myself this before... and I listened for a couple years, and then I fell back into the same old trap.

Unrequited love is a terrible burden to bare. But when love is not returned usually some one will break the news in a kind gentle way -- not so for the arrogant man.

From me to you -- beware.

Knowing you are wrong

In relationships and life we play the blame game. Well, if only HE had said... Well, if only SHE didn't...

Enough already. The hardest part is staring in the mirror and facing not only yourself, but what you've done—which inevitably becomes a part of you, of your face, of your heart and soul and who you are as a moral creature.

Looking at me from an outside bubble, one might completely misconstrue who I am and I my let him because I once had that vision too. But let's be serious, we are adults now.

I know its naive, but is it wrong to feel the weight and pressure of adulthood yet know the bullet proof vest you've created is not nearly strong enough to counter the challenges you will most certainly face?


*Because sometimes turning and walking away is easier

Is there a point where confusion peaks into realization and though nothing was solved you're at peace? If so, I border these moments and perhaps, even reach them. But the moment you second guess your serenity, it's gone before you even knew it came. Life's a bitch aint it?

I like depressing quotes and poems because they give me a reality I can feel—somehow that makes things better. It's hard to explain, but if you write pain and feel it, and express sorrow and regret through art, then in life you can release the other, more pleasant, emotions.

Sometimes I'm wrong and I know it. Sometimes I'm wrong and I'm stubborn and refuse to see it. Sometimes, I'm right. Sometimes I think I'm right, and well, hell, sometimes I just don't know and choose to walk away...

~z.

*Picture pulled from here.

Hand me a break

Walking along a brick road your coat's cloth and it's static brushes his, there's that rough sound of friction in the quietness of chatter—it's ignored, but not forgotten.

Moments later, it happens again. This time you both smile a little because you're nervous. Then, as the story goes, his arm flies around you or your hands both dangle separately in that cliff-hanging stomach-pit feeling sort of way until—at last—finger by finger they interlock with each other. Literally, handing each other a line.

It's not the knight and shining armor rescues that are truly heroic, it's the every day tiny moments when one person saves another.

It's a stepping stone in the non-drunk world of hooking up. (And it probably also applies to the drunk world of hooking up).

It's a cute minor connection that is often sadly looked over and taken for granted. But in the absence of daylight and company to share the darkness with—it's not sex that most people miss, it's affection.

*Picture pulled from here.

~ z.

What's the call?

There's something to be said for the good old fashioned phone call (Alexander Graham Bell is rolling over in his grave).



Yes, Facebook, texting, hell, even emails have made dating so much easier, or wait, is it more complicated? Or maybe some combination of both. That being said, ladies and gents don't be scared to pick up the phone and use it for it's intended purpose. I know it's scary, and I'm not even being 100% sarcastic. We are conditioned to think it's scary because recent technology forces us into a complex impersonal webbed world where hearing a human voice and having to react immediatly is more uncommon than its alternative.

If a guy continues to text me, I either pick up my phone and call or say, ok, I'll call you in a little bit. Enough already. Don't get me wrong, I love email and Facebook messages and text messages. They can be cute and flirty and easy, but hey, on the same token, you can do all that AND throw in a phone call.

I don't know what really got me started on this tangent, but I think I was looking at social sites -- like Twitter -- and just realizing, wow, we type more than we talk. Isn't that sort of a shame?

One of the key components to any relationship I am in is usually: are you good on the phone? Sounds silly, but it's important because most of any real relationship is spent in conversation.

Stay tuned, my friends and I have discussed another modern day dating phenomenon: The Texting Boy... more to come.

~ z.

*Picture pulled from flickr

The perfect date?

What defines the perfect date? The atmosphere, the mood, the setting... or the person?

Valentines Day just came and went and I chose to ignore it. Why? V-day is alright, I guess. It was my favorite holiday as a kid, I used to spend so much money buying my parents stuffed animals they didn't want because I was giving them a "valentine." For some reason in grade school I got sick, like stomach flu sick, for three years in a row (I think pre-K through 2nd grade) and I was SO angry I missed the cardboard box vday card exchange. Well, that was when I was 5...

But now, really, I think Valentine's Day is more of a gimmick. It's OK, and it can be cute, but I'd so much rather a guy be spontaneously romantic than to give me flowers on Valentine's Day. Show up at my house on a random Tuesday armed with something small and cute -- and well, you've won me. Show up on a random Wednesday with a smile and well, you've still won me.  I don't need a holiday. Romance can occur at anytime anywhere and who am I to demand something when Hallmark tells me I should? And why would I? Where's the fun in that anyway?

*** I'd so much rather have a completely "out of nowhere" kiss on V-Day (Victory Day) than a completely cliche kiss on V-Day (Valentine's Day)

Actually, I had a date right before V-Day and we basically chose to ignore the pink holiday's existence, and you know what, that makes it perfect. Why make a date awkward by forcing unnecessary situations caused by a simple calendar date?  

So back to the original question, and yes it does tie into V-Day, what makes the perfect date? It's not atmosphere or the mood or the setting and, I dare say, it might not always be the person. It's the answer to a few simple questions: Did you have fun? Did you smile and continue smiling after the date was over? And lastly, would you want to see that person again?

OK fine, this might not always define the perfect date, but I guarantee you any perfect date would answer "yes" to all of the above... so until I can tell you what the perfect date is, you might as well just have some faith in the above questions. Seems contradictory right, having faith in questions, but really that's what life is-- QuEsTiOnS. So we might as well find solace in questions, because tell me you have answers and I'll tell you that you know nothing.

Questions? 

Good night and good luck 

~ z.

*Picture pulled from here

Fate

One of my all time favorite books is a coffee table type book called Taxi Driver Wisdom. I occasionally will read the entire book, which only takes 15 minutes or so. Basically, it's got quotes from New York City cab drivers giving life advice. Tonight, I remembered one that always hit home with me, not just in relationships, but in general life too.

ON FATE: "If someone steals your cab, then it wasn't your cab."

Sometimes I find it hard to remind myself that so-called "defeats" in love, work or life might not be defeats at all, they were never mine to begin with-- therefore, they were impossible to win and possibly pointless to fight for.

But then again, that seems like a sort of self-defeating way to analyze the situation. 

Regardless, sometimes it's good to accept what is. 

~z.

*Picture pulled from the book.

Thumbs up, Thumbs down

The art of reading others is not an easily learned skill. In fact, few and far between ever really master the art, but its something we all desire. When meeting someone else, we yearn for the ability to see how things will go before they occur. But this will never happen.

The true art falls back on something quite simple-- thumbs up, thumbs down.

It goes something like this, I meet someone at a bar. I'm into him. Then good heavens! What's he saying? Oh my, he doesn't like to read OR learn?! In fact, he has absolutely nothing to offer me. My friend is just within arms reach, I squeeze her arm with force and she comes to the rescue.

Guy number 2, memories of guy number 1 flash, but luckily they are just memories. Guy number 2 offers more. Interesting conversation starts easily flowing between us, then my friend sees me and signals thumbs up thumbs down. I give the I'm OK go ahead: thumbs up. No rescue needed.

It's not really mind reading so much as knowing how to read your friends signals when it comes to meeting men.

The dating world is brutal, sometimes you need a good friend at your side to rescue you from the number 1 guys in the world. And then sometimes its good to know that you've got a friend there even when you've got a number 2 guy. Because really we don't have the ability to see how things will go, and its nice to know I don't always need to be rescued, but its also nice to know the option is there, just waiting for a thumbs up or thumbs down.

And as shallow or ridiculous as the process seems, it works. I know a person can not truly be judged in the first moments met, but I'd also like to avoid that feeling of getting trapped in a horribly awkward situation in a crowded bar. You might tell me to just walk away, but wouldn't that be rude? Isn't it nicer to have a friend come chat you both up than to face immediate and utter rejection? Everyone wins, no one has to get rejected and no one has to get stuck in a mind numbing situation. Instead, you all peacefully part ways-- all because of a simple hand gesture.

~z.

*Picture pulled from here

"That's what we're here for"

Tonight I called my best friend because guys/men/boys tend to make you feel badly about yourself, but for what exactly?

If you don't really know someone and you're not in a relationship with them, how dare they make bold accusations about who you are?

I finally understand why women up north aren't as friendly, it's not that they aren't good people, it's rather a defense mechanism to putting up with bull 24/7. It's inevitable that we will all harden under certain circumstances. I keep warding off the hard shell, but defense mechanisms come flying off me like hail bouncing off a car.

I put up with things because I don't want to be "rude," but when I draw the line after situation has flung me far past the original line, suddenly I'm "the bitch." But really people should know how to treat each other. After all, we are the same species. And, not to be WAY too cliche, but doesn't the golden rule get taught for reason? Yes, it's something we preach to five year olds, but shouldn't we also take it into account for our everyday lives? Do you want to be talked down to? If the answer is "no," then don't do it to some girl thinking it's OK, because guess what? I'm here to say it's not OK. It just isn't.

And, don't call at 10:30 and expect a date, if you want a date, book in advance. Otherwise, your intentions are completely transparent and how can you expect a girl, even the sweet ones, to not see through that? I've spent my dating life believing the best in people, but maybe I should be a little bit more skeptical, because maybe some of us have life rafts and other's don't, maybe those without try to steal the rest of our abilities to stay afloat, leaving us to drown.

I'd rather not believe this. The eternal optimist that I am will wait to be proved wrong, but not without caution.



In the mean time, I rely on those I can count on-- my friends. I apologized to my friend tonight for pouring life problems on her and she said "that's what we're here for." Many women, like myself, find friends that are girls hard to come by. That's because it's harder to find girl friends than guy friends. But the girl friends that you do make and keep are really special, they are the ones that get you through everything. Guy friends are easy to make and easy to lose. They're great, but there's nothing like a best friend.

Guys are more interchangeable than girls at this point in my life. In fact, until I get married the previous statement will stand on solid ground.

*First picture pulled from here
*Second picture pulled from here

~ z.

Being a woman is a gift (?)

Tonight I sat at home watching a movie by myself because as much fun as dating and going out can be, sometimes it's even better to sit by the fire and watch TV on a Friday night.

The movie I Netflixed, complete chick flick of course, was all about women. I didn't actually enjoy the movie that much, but I watched it all the way through. After it finished I let the credits role and then each actress appeared and said a few things, cutesy, meant to be inspiring...and so forth. The last words said before the movie ended were "being a woman is a gift."



Sure we get the occasional dinner or drink, but we're met with deeper dilemmas, things that make dinner not even appear on the radar.

I think Being a woman is a challenge and, to be fair, I'm sure being a man is a challenge as well. Both sexes forced into an extremely judgmental culture just trying to survive. There are those who conform to societies pressures and inevitably fail because the standards set are unreachable.

And then there are those who are the nonconformist, who really are conformist because they are conforming to nonconformity. In the end try we're all just trying to block out the mucus and live our lives the way we want, but more often than not, this also seems like the unreachable goal.

So here's to a good challenge, because what is a challenge if not something to keep us on our toes? And hey, I guess that's a gift in a unique -- and possibly erotic -- form of wrapping paper.

~ Z.

Awkward

A guy I went on a few dates with made an interesting comment about my generation, he said we call everything "awkard"- aka if something doesn't go completely smooth it's written off as awkward. Should that really be the way we look at things?

I think not.

Which is why I tend to date "awkward" people. They might not be "by the book" or even "well dressed," but hey, if you've got personality, wit and some charm, well that beats style every day in my book. That all being said, some/many of the awkward people I've dated haven't necessarily met up to the personality, wit and charm standards.



On that same token though, some perfectly perfect people just don't match. And you know what? That's ok. Society makes you feel guilty for not being with someone who treats you right *cough Aiden and Carrie cough* but just because he's nice doesn't mean it -- the relationship -- is right. However, that doesn't justify cheating like Carrie did (just to finish off the analogy).

It's just that, well, why the hell not be awkward? Is awkward really that bad? And if it's that terrible why do we talk about it so much? Awkward is normal in my mind, I mean who isn't awkward at some point? If you can answer that question with a name, well then, that person is probably boring.

Till next time,

~ z.

Welcome to my life

Writing a dating blog, cliche right? Probably. However, as many, MaNy, MANY people have already written: people don't date, they hook up or become boyfriend girlfriend.

Bored yet?

Well, I'm not claiming these people are wrong, but I refuse to let them be 100 percent right.

I'm here to write and attempt to live the dating life.



I live my life going on constant "maybe dates**" blurring into late night extravaganzas with friends. Where's the line? A beer? A bottle? Day? Night?

I don't know. But, really, isn't that the fun of it?

My friends say, "How do you manage to date?"

I just sort of do.

My goal here does not include exploiting my own life or those in it, just making reference to common occurrences,... that may or may not happen in my life or those around me and drawing wider cultural interpretations.

Sound verbose? It probably is.

Let's be serious, "Daring to live and daring to date" is meant to explore old topics in new territories and, if there's one thing I learned growing up, exploring usually includes an adventure and adventures are fun.

So stay tuned.

~ z.

**Diclib.com defines a maybe date as a pseudodate, "A maybe date. Could be considered a real date or just hanging out together, depending on how it goes."
**HOWEVER, I'd like to define it a little bit looser, a maybe date is a situation where two people of the opposite sex (or same) are hanging out. They are not necessarily opposed to hooking up, aka they both find each other some what attractive, but at the moment they just like each other as people. But then again, you never know what could happen on a maybe date?

*Picture pulled from Touchetoon