Fate

One of my all time favorite books is a coffee table type book called Taxi Driver Wisdom. I occasionally will read the entire book, which only takes 15 minutes or so. Basically, it's got quotes from New York City cab drivers giving life advice. Tonight, I remembered one that always hit home with me, not just in relationships, but in general life too.

ON FATE: "If someone steals your cab, then it wasn't your cab."

Sometimes I find it hard to remind myself that so-called "defeats" in love, work or life might not be defeats at all, they were never mine to begin with-- therefore, they were impossible to win and possibly pointless to fight for.

But then again, that seems like a sort of self-defeating way to analyze the situation. 

Regardless, sometimes it's good to accept what is. 

~z.

*Picture pulled from the book.

Thumbs up, Thumbs down

The art of reading others is not an easily learned skill. In fact, few and far between ever really master the art, but its something we all desire. When meeting someone else, we yearn for the ability to see how things will go before they occur. But this will never happen.

The true art falls back on something quite simple-- thumbs up, thumbs down.

It goes something like this, I meet someone at a bar. I'm into him. Then good heavens! What's he saying? Oh my, he doesn't like to read OR learn?! In fact, he has absolutely nothing to offer me. My friend is just within arms reach, I squeeze her arm with force and she comes to the rescue.

Guy number 2, memories of guy number 1 flash, but luckily they are just memories. Guy number 2 offers more. Interesting conversation starts easily flowing between us, then my friend sees me and signals thumbs up thumbs down. I give the I'm OK go ahead: thumbs up. No rescue needed.

It's not really mind reading so much as knowing how to read your friends signals when it comes to meeting men.

The dating world is brutal, sometimes you need a good friend at your side to rescue you from the number 1 guys in the world. And then sometimes its good to know that you've got a friend there even when you've got a number 2 guy. Because really we don't have the ability to see how things will go, and its nice to know I don't always need to be rescued, but its also nice to know the option is there, just waiting for a thumbs up or thumbs down.

And as shallow or ridiculous as the process seems, it works. I know a person can not truly be judged in the first moments met, but I'd also like to avoid that feeling of getting trapped in a horribly awkward situation in a crowded bar. You might tell me to just walk away, but wouldn't that be rude? Isn't it nicer to have a friend come chat you both up than to face immediate and utter rejection? Everyone wins, no one has to get rejected and no one has to get stuck in a mind numbing situation. Instead, you all peacefully part ways-- all because of a simple hand gesture.

~z.

*Picture pulled from here

"That's what we're here for"

Tonight I called my best friend because guys/men/boys tend to make you feel badly about yourself, but for what exactly?

If you don't really know someone and you're not in a relationship with them, how dare they make bold accusations about who you are?

I finally understand why women up north aren't as friendly, it's not that they aren't good people, it's rather a defense mechanism to putting up with bull 24/7. It's inevitable that we will all harden under certain circumstances. I keep warding off the hard shell, but defense mechanisms come flying off me like hail bouncing off a car.

I put up with things because I don't want to be "rude," but when I draw the line after situation has flung me far past the original line, suddenly I'm "the bitch." But really people should know how to treat each other. After all, we are the same species. And, not to be WAY too cliche, but doesn't the golden rule get taught for reason? Yes, it's something we preach to five year olds, but shouldn't we also take it into account for our everyday lives? Do you want to be talked down to? If the answer is "no," then don't do it to some girl thinking it's OK, because guess what? I'm here to say it's not OK. It just isn't.

And, don't call at 10:30 and expect a date, if you want a date, book in advance. Otherwise, your intentions are completely transparent and how can you expect a girl, even the sweet ones, to not see through that? I've spent my dating life believing the best in people, but maybe I should be a little bit more skeptical, because maybe some of us have life rafts and other's don't, maybe those without try to steal the rest of our abilities to stay afloat, leaving us to drown.

I'd rather not believe this. The eternal optimist that I am will wait to be proved wrong, but not without caution.



In the mean time, I rely on those I can count on-- my friends. I apologized to my friend tonight for pouring life problems on her and she said "that's what we're here for." Many women, like myself, find friends that are girls hard to come by. That's because it's harder to find girl friends than guy friends. But the girl friends that you do make and keep are really special, they are the ones that get you through everything. Guy friends are easy to make and easy to lose. They're great, but there's nothing like a best friend.

Guys are more interchangeable than girls at this point in my life. In fact, until I get married the previous statement will stand on solid ground.

*First picture pulled from here
*Second picture pulled from here

~ z.

Being a woman is a gift (?)

Tonight I sat at home watching a movie by myself because as much fun as dating and going out can be, sometimes it's even better to sit by the fire and watch TV on a Friday night.

The movie I Netflixed, complete chick flick of course, was all about women. I didn't actually enjoy the movie that much, but I watched it all the way through. After it finished I let the credits role and then each actress appeared and said a few things, cutesy, meant to be inspiring...and so forth. The last words said before the movie ended were "being a woman is a gift."



Sure we get the occasional dinner or drink, but we're met with deeper dilemmas, things that make dinner not even appear on the radar.

I think Being a woman is a challenge and, to be fair, I'm sure being a man is a challenge as well. Both sexes forced into an extremely judgmental culture just trying to survive. There are those who conform to societies pressures and inevitably fail because the standards set are unreachable.

And then there are those who are the nonconformist, who really are conformist because they are conforming to nonconformity. In the end try we're all just trying to block out the mucus and live our lives the way we want, but more often than not, this also seems like the unreachable goal.

So here's to a good challenge, because what is a challenge if not something to keep us on our toes? And hey, I guess that's a gift in a unique -- and possibly erotic -- form of wrapping paper.

~ Z.

Awkward

A guy I went on a few dates with made an interesting comment about my generation, he said we call everything "awkard"- aka if something doesn't go completely smooth it's written off as awkward. Should that really be the way we look at things?

I think not.

Which is why I tend to date "awkward" people. They might not be "by the book" or even "well dressed," but hey, if you've got personality, wit and some charm, well that beats style every day in my book. That all being said, some/many of the awkward people I've dated haven't necessarily met up to the personality, wit and charm standards.



On that same token though, some perfectly perfect people just don't match. And you know what? That's ok. Society makes you feel guilty for not being with someone who treats you right *cough Aiden and Carrie cough* but just because he's nice doesn't mean it -- the relationship -- is right. However, that doesn't justify cheating like Carrie did (just to finish off the analogy).

It's just that, well, why the hell not be awkward? Is awkward really that bad? And if it's that terrible why do we talk about it so much? Awkward is normal in my mind, I mean who isn't awkward at some point? If you can answer that question with a name, well then, that person is probably boring.

Till next time,

~ z.

Welcome to my life

Writing a dating blog, cliche right? Probably. However, as many, MaNy, MANY people have already written: people don't date, they hook up or become boyfriend girlfriend.

Bored yet?

Well, I'm not claiming these people are wrong, but I refuse to let them be 100 percent right.

I'm here to write and attempt to live the dating life.



I live my life going on constant "maybe dates**" blurring into late night extravaganzas with friends. Where's the line? A beer? A bottle? Day? Night?

I don't know. But, really, isn't that the fun of it?

My friends say, "How do you manage to date?"

I just sort of do.

My goal here does not include exploiting my own life or those in it, just making reference to common occurrences,... that may or may not happen in my life or those around me and drawing wider cultural interpretations.

Sound verbose? It probably is.

Let's be serious, "Daring to live and daring to date" is meant to explore old topics in new territories and, if there's one thing I learned growing up, exploring usually includes an adventure and adventures are fun.

So stay tuned.

~ z.

**Diclib.com defines a maybe date as a pseudodate, "A maybe date. Could be considered a real date or just hanging out together, depending on how it goes."
**HOWEVER, I'd like to define it a little bit looser, a maybe date is a situation where two people of the opposite sex (or same) are hanging out. They are not necessarily opposed to hooking up, aka they both find each other some what attractive, but at the moment they just like each other as people. But then again, you never know what could happen on a maybe date?

*Picture pulled from Touchetoon