Enough is enough

I spent the last 10 months with a man and I spent the last three months convincing myself that it was enough. I grew up, somewhere, and I started to realize what I want.

It seems like a radical concept, what I want... We always say "me," or "I" ... but sometimes when you want so badly for something to work, you end up saying "he" way more often. I have decided I'm not OK with that.

The best part about ending things when it comes to this blog is I am a far better blogger while dating than when I am in a relationship.

The moment I appeared single on Facebook, three dudes I haven't talked to in more than a year send me a message "How are you doing? Long time, what are you up to?" I'm not kidding, it was within the hour. Are you serious guys? I mean, come one... I've got better options than a Facebook message. Social media has diluted common courtesy and turned us all into meat market in moments of true despair.

It's feast or famine and in this world I seem to be very good at feasting, at dating multiple people, or finding someone who is a feaster... But when I actually decide to commit, what I do? I chose the famine man... this is no way to live.

I believe there is a middle, and now, my newest dating mission is to find the median between starvation and gluttony.

So let the new journey begin, I love dating, and I have many adventures to share, but I figured, I'd give it an intro and a sad train for my audience of no one -- for most journeys begin in solitude but end with great friends, or a great love. Or, at the very least, they end with the memory of those who took part in a leg of the trip.

Why?

Aren't breakups hard enough? In the age of social media, is it really necessary to humiliate someone on a public forum. Conversations need not be displayed on a Facebook wall at the cost of someone's feelings. It's insensitive and immature.

Moving on is a topic that I haven't really written about. Dating is one thing, dating after a break up is tricky though.

You get your "relationship guy" ... you know him, the guy that wants commitment after one dinner. Um, no.

You're uneducated guy, the one who high fives and says "Yah" a lot.

And a billion other stereotypes. None of them fill the hole, but each is a step toward the future.



I love dating. I think dating is important. With each man, you discover what you like, don't like and everything in between. But dating in a commuter city is much harder than it was in the east coast. Cars are always involved and, well, let's face it... the bible belt is much more conservative.

Dating in bible country is a whole different ball game...

So, here we go. Let the games begin. I'm ready.

**Photo courtesy of Harmon Weddings

Don't trust the arrogant man

There are men that pretend to care, and they are the trickiest in the bunch. But even worse, are those that just don't care.

I've always had a weak spot for the confident man, the problem with confidence is that the line is fine between arrogance and confidence.



If you see arrogant man -- RUN. It's the best advice I could ever give. I've told myself this before... and I listened for a couple years, and then I fell back into the same old trap.

Unrequited love is a terrible burden to bare. But when love is not returned usually some one will break the news in a kind gentle way -- not so for the arrogant man.

From me to you -- beware.

Knowing you are wrong

In relationships and life we play the blame game. Well, if only HE had said... Well, if only SHE didn't...

Enough already. The hardest part is staring in the mirror and facing not only yourself, but what you've done—which inevitably becomes a part of you, of your face, of your heart and soul and who you are as a moral creature.

Looking at me from an outside bubble, one might completely misconstrue who I am and I my let him because I once had that vision too. But let's be serious, we are adults now.

I know its naive, but is it wrong to feel the weight and pressure of adulthood yet know the bullet proof vest you've created is not nearly strong enough to counter the challenges you will most certainly face?


*Because sometimes turning and walking away is easier

Is there a point where confusion peaks into realization and though nothing was solved you're at peace? If so, I border these moments and perhaps, even reach them. But the moment you second guess your serenity, it's gone before you even knew it came. Life's a bitch aint it?

I like depressing quotes and poems because they give me a reality I can feel—somehow that makes things better. It's hard to explain, but if you write pain and feel it, and express sorrow and regret through art, then in life you can release the other, more pleasant, emotions.

Sometimes I'm wrong and I know it. Sometimes I'm wrong and I'm stubborn and refuse to see it. Sometimes, I'm right. Sometimes I think I'm right, and well, hell, sometimes I just don't know and choose to walk away...

~z.

*Picture pulled from here.

Hand me a break

Walking along a brick road your coat's cloth and it's static brushes his, there's that rough sound of friction in the quietness of chatter—it's ignored, but not forgotten.

Moments later, it happens again. This time you both smile a little because you're nervous. Then, as the story goes, his arm flies around you or your hands both dangle separately in that cliff-hanging stomach-pit feeling sort of way until—at last—finger by finger they interlock with each other. Literally, handing each other a line.

It's not the knight and shining armor rescues that are truly heroic, it's the every day tiny moments when one person saves another.

It's a stepping stone in the non-drunk world of hooking up. (And it probably also applies to the drunk world of hooking up).

It's a cute minor connection that is often sadly looked over and taken for granted. But in the absence of daylight and company to share the darkness with—it's not sex that most people miss, it's affection.

*Picture pulled from here.

~ z.

What's the call?

There's something to be said for the good old fashioned phone call (Alexander Graham Bell is rolling over in his grave).



Yes, Facebook, texting, hell, even emails have made dating so much easier, or wait, is it more complicated? Or maybe some combination of both. That being said, ladies and gents don't be scared to pick up the phone and use it for it's intended purpose. I know it's scary, and I'm not even being 100% sarcastic. We are conditioned to think it's scary because recent technology forces us into a complex impersonal webbed world where hearing a human voice and having to react immediatly is more uncommon than its alternative.

If a guy continues to text me, I either pick up my phone and call or say, ok, I'll call you in a little bit. Enough already. Don't get me wrong, I love email and Facebook messages and text messages. They can be cute and flirty and easy, but hey, on the same token, you can do all that AND throw in a phone call.

I don't know what really got me started on this tangent, but I think I was looking at social sites -- like Twitter -- and just realizing, wow, we type more than we talk. Isn't that sort of a shame?

One of the key components to any relationship I am in is usually: are you good on the phone? Sounds silly, but it's important because most of any real relationship is spent in conversation.

Stay tuned, my friends and I have discussed another modern day dating phenomenon: The Texting Boy... more to come.

~ z.

*Picture pulled from flickr

The perfect date?

What defines the perfect date? The atmosphere, the mood, the setting... or the person?

Valentines Day just came and went and I chose to ignore it. Why? V-day is alright, I guess. It was my favorite holiday as a kid, I used to spend so much money buying my parents stuffed animals they didn't want because I was giving them a "valentine." For some reason in grade school I got sick, like stomach flu sick, for three years in a row (I think pre-K through 2nd grade) and I was SO angry I missed the cardboard box vday card exchange. Well, that was when I was 5...

But now, really, I think Valentine's Day is more of a gimmick. It's OK, and it can be cute, but I'd so much rather a guy be spontaneously romantic than to give me flowers on Valentine's Day. Show up at my house on a random Tuesday armed with something small and cute -- and well, you've won me. Show up on a random Wednesday with a smile and well, you've still won me.  I don't need a holiday. Romance can occur at anytime anywhere and who am I to demand something when Hallmark tells me I should? And why would I? Where's the fun in that anyway?

*** I'd so much rather have a completely "out of nowhere" kiss on V-Day (Victory Day) than a completely cliche kiss on V-Day (Valentine's Day)

Actually, I had a date right before V-Day and we basically chose to ignore the pink holiday's existence, and you know what, that makes it perfect. Why make a date awkward by forcing unnecessary situations caused by a simple calendar date?  

So back to the original question, and yes it does tie into V-Day, what makes the perfect date? It's not atmosphere or the mood or the setting and, I dare say, it might not always be the person. It's the answer to a few simple questions: Did you have fun? Did you smile and continue smiling after the date was over? And lastly, would you want to see that person again?

OK fine, this might not always define the perfect date, but I guarantee you any perfect date would answer "yes" to all of the above... so until I can tell you what the perfect date is, you might as well just have some faith in the above questions. Seems contradictory right, having faith in questions, but really that's what life is-- QuEsTiOnS. So we might as well find solace in questions, because tell me you have answers and I'll tell you that you know nothing.

Questions? 

Good night and good luck 

~ z.

*Picture pulled from here